I have to admit that I thought I had no idea what I was doing. Sections of this path I’ve been on before, whereas other tracts are expectedly untread. The most recent leg of my journey is segmented in and of itself by the comfortably familiar and the uneasy darkness of unfamiliarity. It has seized my mind. It permeates nearly every thought I have. Sometimes I find myself in a stupor, trying to figure out exactly what to do about the everlasting demands of this new presence. I can’t not think about it, yet at the same time I know that I can’t think about it as much as I do. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I felt such pressure and desire to be constantly present and in the now. The desire has provided me with a vehicle to better travel this new leg of my journey. I am more aware of myself. I am more aware of who I want to be, who I ought to be, and most importantly who I need to be.
The catalyst of this new leg of the journey is a person. A person I’d been hoping to meet the likes of for a long time. At first this person was a pleasing “idea” that I was infatuated with. I was so excited by this new acquaintance that I threw all caution out the window. I suppose I thought that I was being handed something. Like everything in life though, it is hard won and not without struggle and effort. It is not the “idea” of this person that I like. It is the person I like, in all their glory. Where I had expectations I can now see how unfair that is to the other person. All I can do is be me and the very best me at that. And all I hope for is the chance to get to know this person much better, because so far I really like what I’ve seen. Let come what may. At least I feel this has helped me to realize that I do know what I’m doing and what needs to be done. I’ve found that sometimes I just need a little jolt to remind me who I am.
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