I feel like I’m a last resort. Or maybe a better description of how I feel would be that I’m collateral damage in his search for new friends. You know, I’ll give him the benefit of doubt and wonder if perhaps it was simply the way he stated his thoughts. Furthermore, I’ll even give some credit to my thoughts of how the whole predicament (Is it really a predicament?) could be my fault for defining my situation and availability much too strictly. I think given all this musing it would be pretty fair to split the responsibility equally down the middle. Though it could even run deeper than he’s letting on. There could be things he’s not saying to me. Maybe he’s afraid of getting too close. Who knows? I don’t. Why? Because we don’t converse. He won’t talk to me. Is it just me? Will he be the same way with these new future friends he hopes to make? How will he maintain those friendships? If he can maintain new friends besides me, then I think it’s very understandable that I feel slighted, or ignored. Left in the background for a more conveniant time. Am I being dramatic? I don’t think so. Am I thinking about it way too much? Honestly, I may be. But, maybe I want something with him. Or maybe I want to at least pursue something with him. A chance.
I’ve already decided what stance I’m going to take, and I’ve let him know as much via email. I’m not giving up or in or anything. I’m taking control of the situation. Because I’ll be damned if I have to find out some time down the road that I really am one of the last on the list and for such a frivolous reason.
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