10 years

It seems second nature for me to worry all the time.Maybe first nature actually. Apprehension and anxiety. Thinking way too much and not saying or doing enough. It is such bullshit.  I am so tired of trying to deal with it that I have run out of ways of tryng to explain it.
It makes me [...]

Who me?

This selective amnesia
Only remembering what I forgot
All the good things
Everything I liked a lot
Pieces of the person I used to be
Scattered in the winds
of my insecurities
My own fractured tales
The boy in the future
The boy in the bubble
The boy who was so sure
The boy who would go on
and on and on, on and on and on
Those [...]

Watch me Top Gun it

Uncontrollable variables aside, it is so refreshing to have one’s life move along at a comfortably unexpected pace. And by unexpected I mean being able to trust that no matter what may happen it will all be progressive and good. My self confidence is rising. My faith is renewing. I can see the future again. [...]

Same table, different seat

I have not written anything for weeks. Months if I consider my physical journal. I have been given and coming upon and achieving soo much, in comparison to how uneventfully and meagerly I’ve existed over the previous 2 years, that I suppose I am just not sure how to describe it all. It is as [...]

UPDATE:

I am Christian Andrew Jennings! The 1 and the only! (per DNA of course)
I love people. If you can see past my quiet (e.g. shyness, insecurities, self-proclaimed short comings, overall social awkwardness) then I love you. Truly.

I am very intelligent. No boasting or bragging here. I am definitely not one to do that. I [...]

Time keeps on ticking

I know, it may seem I’m hopelessly lost. I am not. I am only Christian Andrew Jennings, with a dash of  “more inexperienced than most”. I am a product of genetics and, consequentially, blind ambition.  Can you blame me, 10 years post high school and having yet to achieve anything I intended, for waxing on [...]

In the Air

This ride has been, often, without me
accepting that I’m behind the wheel
in a race with too many rats
fears and frets I couldn’t always see
When I’m afraid it’s all to easy
to assume the auto-pilot is on
leading and guiding
to where I ought to be
After so many laps around the track
the day ages and the fog lifts
it becomes [...]

See me?

I’m a hypocratic mess. By virtue I’m an honest person. By need for unconditional love I’m no good at confession. I’m no good at this stuff. Sometimes is never quite enough. I’ve got to measure up. When most of my wondering focusses on “How long before you screw it up?” I’m an oath to the [...]

I’ve been reading a lot over the past 6 months or so. I believe, in total, I have read 6 novels. Wow, a novel a month, that’s awesome! At least I think so. I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who are “readers”. Reading, no matter what, does make you smarter. Reading provides [...]